My weakness

I am a lazy person.  I am a night owl.  These two things left unchecked tend to make me very inefficient at my day job. When I worked outside my home, I had a schedule. I had to report to work on time or I would suffer the consequences on my performance review and probably my paycheck. Those consequences motivated me to overcome those weaknesses with will power and an alarm clock.

I came home from work when I was pregnant with our 3rd child Margaret. I was convinced that my failings in housekeeping were all due to working crazy hours as a waitress. My desire to turn the tv on and let Lexi(5) and Liam(3) watch countless hours while I slept on the couch had nothing to do with laziness (sarcasm). Surely now that I was home everyday I would become a sexier and better "Suzy Homemaker" I would no longer desire to lounge in ripped up sweatshirts and cut off sweats. I would get up every morning to my sparkling kitchen put the coffee on have devotions, and greet my husband and children with a smile....... Notice I did not say make breakfast, I had told my husband of 5 years that I would never, never, never, never never make breakfast. At least not for breakfast time... I think I got up before the kids woke me up once. The tyranny of the urgent and the reality of having 3 little ones 5 and under, was, well,   hard. I would wake up to kiss my husband goodbye from my bed and roll back over until I could hold the kids off on breakfast no longer.

When Margaret was 13 months old I got pregnant...SURPRISE!!! I was still nursing her alot...We were err preventing (ahem).... I was supposedly infertile....(that's a whole 'nother post) 6 weeks later we got the biggest surprise of our lives that far, TWINS.  I COULD.NOT.BELIEVE.IT.  The twins were born at 32 weeks we brought them home 3 weeks later and they became my built in excuse for letting things go.

Fast forward 10 years add 1 more child and things have changed little in my day job efficiency. I had a brief respite when we lived in Hong Kong and had a live in maid (ah sweet freedom). I did basically the bare minimum to keep up with the laundry and cleaned the house when someone was coming over....usually. The thing is in my mind no person was watching, no one was going to give me a performance review and potentially a pay raise for a job well done.

When I was preparing to move this time I realized I had just HAD it with stuff.  I filled three dumpsters and it.felt.great, almost as good as I imagine losing 40 lbs would feel. I am however pretty good at big projects and really lousy at consistency at daily consistency. It started to pop into my head that this was sin.... I whacked that mole right back down! It kept popping up with greater strength and speed.

During this time I started following @sarahmaeblogs who is a seller on @theopenskyproject . She launched the website www.raisinghomemakers.com and as it showed up in my inbox, The mole stopped going back in the hole. SIN.... it was sin, and I was being a selfish mother and wife....

 Last weekend the girls [Mary, Madeline (10) and Margaret (11)] and I sat down together and I confessed to them that I was wrong for my laziness and that I would try with God's help to be diligent in our daily life, that we were going to have (gasp) a schedule and a meal plan.... The sad thing is they were giddy with excitement. They have been driving me crazy for.. well forever nagging me "what are we doing today mom?" "what are we having for lunch, dinner, etc" What am I supposed to read, what's my math? I had been telling myself that I have unusually buggy children and the Lord revealed to me (as usual) that they are not the problem.... I am. 

Here we are 3 days in and I have MADE BREAKFAST twice! We have been keeping our house picked up the girls are enjoying learning cooking and housekeeping skills.  Jamin almost fell over when I  was up before him this morning. 

Here's what I know, I am lazy and a nightowl but more importantly I am a sinner saved by Grace and His Grace is SUFFICIENT for me, Therefore I will blog all the more about my weaknesses that the power of Christ may rest on me.