The tears streaming down my cheeks are probably a result of the combo weaning myself off of Zoloft, PMS and peri-menopause but I think that the feelings are real.
“When I am down and need to cry till morning....” I am lonely, and yet I don’t want new friends, I want old ones... I don’t want to tell my stories again, I don’t want to newly disappoint, and be newly disappointed and sift through all the people who don’t “get” me or I don’t “get” them...”When I am down and need to cry till morning....” I don’t want to have to explain that I haven’t given up, or make sure I am not shaking anyone’s faith by feeling hopeless, that I still believe in His Goodness, His faithfulness, His Sovereignty... I’m just weary. I want to be able to “drop in” and open up the fridge and grab a diet coke, or put the coffee on, or open a bottle of wine. I want to be able to complain about my husband, my kids, my life, myself and know that they are going to still be loved, and admired, that my discontent won’t cloud the truth. Too much to ask? Maybe... but that is what my few dearest friends are to me. They actually know as much of my gunk as I do (probably more since I am sure I have some pretty huge blind spots) and they LIKE me. I hope I am this to them. But how does that work when you are separated by a thousand miles?
Do I have to “make new friends AND keep the old”? Can’t I just “keep the old?”
What say you? Should I pop a couple zoloft, dive back in the social pool and swim for my life? Or can I hunker down and wait until the Lord moves us back so I don’t have to say good-bye anymore?
Wish I were there to cry with you! I don't have the Lord's wisdom on what you should do, but I can pray for His wisdom for you. Just be true to yourself; and as you continue to be true to Him, know that "If we have died with Him, we will also live with Him; if we endure, we will also reign with Him; if we deny Him, He also will deny us; if we are faithless, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL - for He cannot deny Himself" (2 Tim. 2:11-13)
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you...
Hay Sara! Sounds like your a little down. But I have to admit I can't imagine you not makeing new friends. You are the Michael Felps of the "social pool" You can look at your situation as chance to use the gifts God has blessed you with.
ReplyDeleteThe LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. Psalm 34:18
Lord, My heart is broken, and bleeding
please hear my pleading.
I am begging for your leading
My spirit is before you contrite
Lord, drive away my fright
please Lord enter the fight
and raise me to new height