The tears streaming down my cheeks are probably a result of the combo weaning myself off of Zoloft, PMS and peri-menopause but I think that the feelings are real.
“When I am down and need to cry till morning....” I am lonely, and yet I don’t want new friends, I want old ones... I don’t want to tell my stories again, I don’t want to newly disappoint, and be newly disappointed and sift through all the people who don’t “get” me or I don’t “get” them...”When I am down and need to cry till morning....” I don’t want to have to explain that I haven’t given up, or make sure I am not shaking anyone’s faith by feeling hopeless, that I still believe in His Goodness, His faithfulness, His Sovereignty... I’m just weary. I want to be able to “drop in” and open up the fridge and grab a diet coke, or put the coffee on, or open a bottle of wine. I want to be able to complain about my husband, my kids, my life, myself and know that they are going to still be loved, and admired, that my discontent won’t cloud the truth. Too much to ask? Maybe... but that is what my few dearest friends are to me. They actually know as much of my gunk as I do (probably more since I am sure I have some pretty huge blind spots) and they LIKE me. I hope I am this to them. But how does that work when you are separated by a thousand miles?
Do I have to “make new friends AND keep the old”? Can’t I just “keep the old?”
What say you? Should I pop a couple zoloft, dive back in the social pool and swim for my life? Or can I hunker down and wait until the Lord moves us back so I don’t have to say good-bye anymore?
